Terra Firma

It means, ‘solid ground’. I think I’ve reached that point, now. I have about two weeks left of my maternity leave before I reenter the workplace with a shoddy sense of self and absolutely no desire to continue my time there. Emotionally, I am much better. I think I have beat the postpartum depression, moved beyond it, seen the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

The military allows for pregnancy separation and I am considering all of my options at this point, seeing what is financially feasible for us as a family. I would love to go back to school full time, which is what I would be doing once separated. I still have 3 years left on my contract however, and that is 3 years of job security and decent pay. The pros and the cons are heavy no matter how I slice it, which is why I have been taking such a long time to decide. Yet, everyone seems desperate to know exactly what is on my mind– curious to see if yet another woman will choose children over work.

I understand my own mother so much more, these days. I think that is a universal experience for most women who have children. It forces you into an entirely new perspective, a new way of viewing things and living. I feel myself, and then again, I don’t. I am some weird in-between person right now and I’m pretty much OK with it. I know I have a very important task to do: raise a human being. That is a lot more important than making money. Capitalism forces us to choose between things that normally would never even be a question.